This Christmas the family all gathered at my sister Janice’s home where she and her husband Dave hosted a lovely celebration for us all.
As is common with holidays such as Christmas, we started to reminisce about Christmas’ past and some of the funny things that have happened over the years. To me the funniest thing about my Christmas’ are the gifts I received from my sister Maureen. For some strange reason, she has gotten me the oddest gifts imaginable.
Now understand, she does not have the same track record with anyone else. Actually it’s quite the contrary, anyone other than me, will get a beautiful, useful and welcomed gift. It would seem that the oddities are reserved strictly for moi! And I do mean oddities.
Let me start by telling you a little story about our local radio station here in South Florida. Not a morning goes by in our house without listening to Kool 105.5. The Mo and Sally Morning Show is a very happy way to start our day.
Well two years ago on the first work day back after Christmas, Moe and Sally were talking about some bad Christmas gifts that Moe had apparently received from his mother-in-law. After laughing about the silly but well intended gifts, the couple who are married, asked listeners to call in and tell some of the worst gifts they had ever received. Well with Maureen as my sister, this was an invitation I could not pass up. Before I knew it I was on the air. I told them that my sister’s gifts could top anything that they will hear. I started by telling them about the gift I received the year before. Maureen very excitedly handed me a package as she exclaimed, “open mine first! You’re gonna love it!” I opened the beautifully wrapped gift (no one can out wrap Maureen. Her gifts – on the outside- are works of art). Once the ribbons and paper were removed, I was left with a 12” plastic white disk and a cheesecloth cap. Not having any idea what it was, I held the disk behind my head replicating a halo from paintings seen in religious art. “I give up,” I sighed, “what the heck is it?” Maureen responded rather frustrated, “You put the cap on the disk and use it to roll pastry dough without sticking!” I looked her right in the eye and answered rather deadpan, “Oh… how silly of me not to know. That’ll come in handy,” I mocked. Moe and Sally both gave a hearty laugh before asking what my dear sister got me this time. “Well,” I answered, “she actually handed me a gift stating, and I quote, ‘finally, this is something you’re gonna love. You’ll get loads of use out of this gift!’
The two DJ’s waited for dramatic pause before asking, “What was it?” Well they burst into hysterics when I replied, “an ancient Chinese calligraphy writing kit!” They had to ask what my reaction was when I opened it. “Thank goodness,” I cried out. “My ancient Chinese friends must have stopped wondering what happened to me by now!” Through the laughter I told them that my sister claims that I am just too darned difficult to buy for. “I’m a freakin’ size medium. How hard can that possibly be?”
We all had a pretty good laugh about it, but what I didn’t know was that the station was going to use that comedic sound bite to promote the morning show… clear through to February! Maureen and her gifts were now famous… or should I say infamous?
Now before you get on my case for making fun of her, let me tell you about some other little ditties she has graced me with over the years. The year before the plastic saucer, I got an eyebrow stencil. Yes, you read that correctly friends… an eyebrow stencil!
Granted my eyebrows have gotten rather sparse over the years, but I could not ever imagine myself stenciling artificial, high-arched brows onto my forehead to make up for it. Who do I look like? Michael Jackson???
The year before that was… clip-on hair extensions. She was thrilled to give me this gift exclaiming that I will never have to be a slave to short hair again.
No matter how far back I go, even when I was a teenager still living with my parents, she got me an electric router. The tiny house didn’t even have a garage or a basement, let alone a workshop. What the heck was I going to do with a router in my little bedroom? Perhaps router out a garage? For years that was the only tool in my arsenal! I could go on and on but I think you’ve got the point. In spite of it all, I wouldn’t trade Maureen’s wacky gifts for anything!
Granted, they may not be particularly useful gifts – or even in any way regiftable but to me, the joyful memories that they have created are positively priceless! Love ya Maur! XOXO
Until next time,
Don
soontobeanauthor 